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Fic Rec - Reflections on the “open up my eager eyes” series by @haloud
This is going to be a mix between fic review but mainly personal reflections on the stories. I promise no coherence or consistency whatsoever. Think incoherent ravings of a mad woman. It’s basically going to be raving about how much I love this series of stories. There will be sort-of spoilers. As always, read the tags and notes on the fics people.
This story kicks off my favourite Roswell, New Mexico fic series. It hooked me from the opening line, which is one of the best ever in the fandom, setting the scene perfectly - "It starts at the Wild Pony, that breeding ground for bad ideas."
This story is told from Kyle's POV and introduces us to an Alex and Michael who have found their balance, with themselves and with each other in a relationship with some dom/sub dynamics. It's a relationship that they invite Kyle into, initially for the night. While there's play with power dynamics and some angsty bits, the overall feel of this fic is intense but light?
It's about everyone getting what they need, and in Kyle's case finding out what that need actually is. The characters are so spot on, an easy to believe extension of the characters we've seen on screen and come to love.
Even when things get sexy and filthy and intense, there is still an underlying tenderness between the three of them that I just love. It's the combination of filthy hotness, believable characters and emotional connection that is complete catnip to me in a fic.
There is a wealth of little details that give so much depth (story, character, emotions) to what is essentially an extended sex scene. In fact, they barely touch, the intensity generated by the emotional and mental connections that all three characters make.
Kyle is back for another night with Alex and Michael, but with the D/s and physical aspects of the relationship turned up to 11. This one sees all three of them getting into the sexy action.
But while the fic is smutty, Kyle never treats the underlying relationship that he is invited into as anything other than significant, and about so much more than sex - "I can do casual, but nothing about this feels casual to me."
Both of these stories give us a slightly different take on the characters we already know. Alex’s iron control is re-purposed to give chaotic, adrift Michael freedom - by giving him boundaries, and to give Kyle freedom - by letting him give up some of the responsibility he carries everyday. Everyone gets something they need.
This story is about what comes after the amazing, kinky, hot sex. What happens when sex is off the table and they need to rely on their words? What happens when you put three people who’ve had their worlds shattered in different but inter-connected ways - together, trying to build something new? What we get is two steps forward and one step back. But that makes sense with these characters. Mis-steps through self-sacrifice and doubt. Not feeling worthy of love. The fear that comes with opening up your heart to other people.
“I didn’t want to....take up too much space.” I mean, jesus. These boys.
This one is all about Kyle. Not many fics have explored the impact of the revelations about Jim and Rosa on Kyle. What we’ve seen in the show hints that he has a really good relationship with his parents, probably the best out of all of the humans and so he had the most to lose when he found out the truth about Jim and what he did at Caulfield. This fic looks at how he deals with that and its specific impact on his relationship with Michael.
Basically Kyle is a big ball of inherited guilt in this one.
How do you build a relationship on the ashes of your fathers’ actions? How does Kyle deal with having “...two Jim Valenti’s living side by side in his mind to grieve…” In some ways it’s the perennial story of the parent we knew as a child versus the parent we see when we are adults. But it’s also about how do you reconcile your love for a parent when they have done something that has destroyed another person you love?
“Caulfield shattered Michael.”
How do you grieve and think about forgiveness in those circumstances? How do you build on the ashes?
Domestic bliss, Michael loves a challenge and filthy, filthy smut. I love it.
Not gonna lie, this one sort of hurts. This one is Michael slowly falling apart when Alex and Kyle aren’t there to help hold him together. Where Michael’s fear of abandonment led to some poor decision making, “...he left his phone under the bed, so the weight of silence didn’t hit so heavy.” He can pretend that he’s missing the calls because his phone isn’t there, not because no one is calling (even when they are).
Michael in this fic is just so fragile. It’s not an uncharacteristic version of Michael, but rather a version that we only ever see in flashes, easy to miss or ignore. But here, with nowhere to run and no one to hide behind, we see that fragility in its many forms. We know from previous fics that this Michael has been shattered by the events of his life and in this story we see those fractures grow and become more obvious.
But of course Alex, he sees and asks so gently “May I touch you?”, followed by “Are you ready for me to tell you what you need?”. Ahh, I love these boys.
This one takes place immediately after the stumbling phase of the midnight waltz (previous fic). Alex is reaching out to Kyle for support, feeling raw after taking care of Michael. And Kyle uses his superpowers - communication, calm and support - to help Alex get back where he needs to be. This is an exploration of some of Alex and Kyle’s insecurities of brokenness, weakness and not belonging. But also of pieces fitting together.
This is a story of spikiness and sharp edges. Of the fear and anger and frustration that comes with physical danger and not being able to protect the people we love. I love Michael’s concern for Kyle, his need to touch him, to make sure he’s alright but also his uncertainty that he is allowed to. Of Alex’s fear and anger at Kyle getting hurt, that it is his fault, a failure to protect him. Of Kyle’s frustration at tough guy bullshit and professional compromise. They are in a place where they are still finding their way, but are certain enough to tell each other the truth, but still living with the weight of legacy, guilt and insecurity.
But also where once they are sure Kyle is safe, Michael can be his dickish but likable self.
This is all about the “tender, frantic, life-affirming sex” that Michael was angling for in the previous fic, but with a slightly lighter tone than the description would indicate.
Like so many of the stories in this series, even when we’re getting top shelf smut (which this is), we also get these small glimpses of the characters that gives them another texture, more depth - be it Alex’s sweet-shark smile, Michael being completely out of it or Kyle’s being overwhelmed.
And I’m not gonna lie, I’m totally here for the dynamics in this one, which are masterful. Alex at his bossy, dommy best, Michael melting at being able to let go and just be, and Kyle giving and taking as needed.
Names can be weapons, names can be shields, names have power - names are important.
This story always hits me hard because name fics involving these characters are my kryptonite. I love them. This one is about Kyle and Michael calling him Doc. Because Kyle knows how much Michael fears hospitals, he questions why Michael calls him Doc. Kyle feels guilty, Michael thinks he’s fucked up, Alex drops everything to help. They are back to sharp edges, guilt and fear. I want to give them all hugs and a good talking to.
Kyle runs, and Michael, god, Michael, he needs another fucking hug.
But then, such heartbreaking tenderness and care.
Michael is getting better at asking for what he needs, and what he needs is Alex calling the shots for him and Kyle. Alex is happy to oblige. Porny, porn with feels.
Conclusion
While the series is definitely about the three of them, it’s one of the few that explores in depth what a relationship between Michael and Kyle could look like. What the dynamics and emotions of that would look like, how they would both deal with not only their personal histories, but with the weight of family legacy.
I love this series because we get angst and pain and hurt but we also get love and tenderness and protectiveness. We get harsh words but also soft touches. In a story about how three people find their balance with each other, the writing is perfectly balanced.
I love everything about this series. It’s hot, it’s complicated, the characters read true and have depth and flaws and tenderness. It’s believable. It has everything I want in a fic. It really is word perfect. Go read them!!
open up my eager eyes by @haloud - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1353715